Oh, brilliant! So, let me get this straight—we’ve got international drug cartels and bikie gangs turning the NDIS into their very own ATM, siphoning billions of dollars for phantom invoices, and terrifying vulnerable participants with mafia-style standover tactics.
But hang on—NDIS’s real threat isn’t the Sinaloa cartel or the guys with Harleys and questionable tattoo artistry, it’s clearly Axel, the diabolical mastermind faking his severe intellectual disability and excruciating pain condition!
Obviously, my sophisticated ploy of pretending has thrown the agency into crisis mode. Honestly, who knew Axel’s sensory-friendly feather collection and therapy dolls were just cunning props to rival El Chapo’s narco tunnels?
Let’s bullet-point the new NDIA strategic priorities:
✅ Ignore $8 billion disappearing faster than a politician’s integrity after election day.
❌ Aggressively target Axel’s continence aids. Everyone knows adult diapers are the gateway to organised crime.
✅ Ignore actual gangsters. Nothing says ‘inclusive community’ like welcoming international drug cartels into disability support.
❌ Make sure Axel can’t manage his pain. Because, clearly, a 20-year-old vegan doll collector is the kingpin behind $8 billion in fraud.
I mean, if El Chapo were smart, he’d drop cocaine and get into the real lucrative business—non-reimbursed pull-ups and therapy aids.
New National Disability Insurance Agency Policy Proposal:
✅ Supports exist for genuine criminals.
❌ Supports for disabled Australians? Suspiciously extravagant.
✅ If a bikie wants a fake wheelchair invoice, fast-track approval!
❌ Axel wants pain management? Alert the fraud squad immediately.
Honestly, NDIA, brilliant priorities. Maybe next, you’ll accuse Axel’s dolls of laundering money through fake sensory toys, or perhaps my feather collection is secretly an elaborate currency smuggling operation.
At this rate, we might as well rename the agency:
NDIS – National Disability and International Syndicate.
Sounds about right.
